Liquid ASS Customer Testimonials

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Our customers share their opinions and stories of the butt–crack smell of Liquid ASS

26September2009 Office Prank: ". . . it stunk up the whole office."

Liquid ASS is way better than any other product out there. I got one bottle just to try it out. It was well worth it. I sprayed the boss's restroom with it and it stunk up the whole office. The admin and the other support personnel were affected by the overwhelming stench. The receptionist was telling me that everyone was running around like chickens with their heads cut off and their noses covered, trying to pinpoint where the smell was coming from and trying to keep from puking. The time frame was around 12:47 pm and it was still smelly at 4:35pm. The boss and a few others ended up calling the local Roto–Rooter guy.

On the label it says to apply a couple of sprays. Well I went over board — I sprayed Eight. I knew if I was in the office I would laugh uncontrollably and give my self away. so I stayed out in the yard and got updates from my inside contact. With that being said, my intended target was achieved along with a bonus.

You guys rock with this product. I will have to keep more of this on hand. I have recommended Liquid ASS to my stepson who is going to use your product on the last day of D.P.S. Academy to prank his counselors in the barracks. Thanks for the side–splitting, tears–to–my–eye laughs.

— Chemical Man, Odessa, TX

20September2009 High School Prank: "Everybody check your shoes."

      3:27 I get out of school.
      4:00 I get to Abracadabra Super Store in New York City.
      4:05 I sniff Liquid ASS.
      4:06 I almost faint.
      5:10 I go to after–school.
      5:20 I spray Liquid ASS.
      5:21 Reactions occur.
                 Someone says, "What is that odor?"
                 Another replies, "That isn't even an odor — it's a stench."
      5:21 Teacher looks confused.
      5:21 She says, "Everybody check your shoes."
      5:27 We change classes.
      5:30 I spray Liquid ASS once again.
      5:35 Teacher and students nearly barf. I can't contain laughter.
      5:37 President and sponsors come in.
      5:37 Sponsors leave. President looks baffled.
      5:40 President calls in janitor.
      5:40 We are dismissed.
      5:45 I spray Liquid ASS in elevator and press all the buttons.
      5:45 Kids cover noses.
      5:46 Girl barfs.
      6:00 I get home. I am pleased.

— Max Stench

19September2009 Office Revenge Prank: ". . . she almost started puking."

I have been laid off for almost a year. I had a job working for a medical center. I worked there for three years and I was always being harassed by a former co–worker. She was a first prize bitch from hell (and she still is). She thought (and she still thinks) that people should bow down and kiss her ass. Anyway, management would never do anything to put a stop to the harassment and I have always wanted to get even with her for all the trouble that she caused me. To make a long story short, she cost me my job. That's where Liquid ASS comes in.

Anyway, I go over to my former job maybe every two months and I just stink up one of her bathrooms that she has to clean that is in her area. The other night, I went over to my former job and stunk up her bathroom. I heard from a source of mine who also works for the medical center that management had to clean that bathroom 6 times and the former co–worker had to clean it. My source said that when the former co–worker opened up the bathroom door, she got hit in the face with the horrible smell and I guess she almost started puking. Management thought that the smell was coming from outside somewhere. They also think that the plumbing is backed up. My source also told me how another co–worker thinks that there is a dead body somewhere in that bathroom. My source also told me that a nurse who went by the bathroom said that someone must have really had to take a dump because of the horrible smell. They had to shut the bathroom down.

I want to thank you once again, Assmen, for this wonderful stinky product. It has made my life so much fun and it's great for getting even with people that you hate. I will be getting more Liquid ASS very soon.

— Prankster

15September2009 Office Prank: ". . . everyone bailed out of the three offices . . ."

I "spritzed" a mere three sprays from a spray bottle of Liquid ASS in a manager's office. About ten minutes later, he returned from lunch. He immediately came out of his office gagging with serious tears in his eyes! Ten minutes later, everyone bailed out of the three offices that were connected to his by the air conditioning ducts. One fellow was screaming, "It smells like #2, and I'm gonna hurl!"

I supposed that would have been it, but a half hour later our maintenance engineer was on the roof. He was tearing up the ductwork because he thought that there was a dead animal stuck in there somewhere.

Now tell me I didnt get my money's worth watching that show! My brother and I consider it money well spent!

— A Satisfied Customer in Las Vegas

14September2009 Getting Acquainted with Liquid ASS: "It was seriously rank."

I get the occasional email newsletter from this little novelty shop I bought something from once. Usually I don't even read it, but last week I decided to click on the link advertising "Liquid Ass", because, who couldn't use a little more feces in their life? I read a couple of the testimonials on their web page and thought it might be fun to give this shat a whiff and see what kind of fun I could have. I popped on the internet and ordered some.

I had forgotten about it over the weekend, but was pleasantly surprised when a padded envelope showed up at work today. I chuckled as I opened it, and quickly got yelled at by the receptionist not to spray it near her. I promptly took it outside to see what all the hype was about.

I had only removed the cap to take a whiff before the laughter flew out of me. It was seriously rank. Just to make sure I was getting the full effect, I held the spray bottle at arms length away from me and gave it a single pump. The moistened tip smelled even worse. I promptly hit up everyone in the parking lot to come check this out, and none of them were happy with what was presented to them. A couple people were visibly angered by the offense. Truly, who among us doesn't get angry when confronted with a big ol' whiff of ASS right in the face?

I laughed, but work called, and it got put away. I headed out to a customer meeting, and couldn't shake the smell of wide open assh***. I had washed my hands a couple of times since playing with it, but there it was. I can't say exactly that it smells like fresh feces, but it's very potent and smells like a well stocked septic tank. It's f**king putrid. I can only imagine that the single pump that I did must have hit the wind and blown back on my pant leg or something. I was so embarrassed, and yet, childishly amused at the same time.

When I got home, I explored these rude bastard's website further, and laughed for a good two hours reading some of the stories other people have posted, particularly the lady who accusingly told her female co–workers, "One of y'all needs to douche."

— Richard Head, http://dilanus.com/

23August2009 Work Prank: ". . . it smells like it's gone bad."

I work at a hospital. We have all kinds of wonderful situations and smells. Yay. I'm up in the lunch room getting some food, and they have broccoli as a side to whatever was served. Broccoli can smell kind of rough at times . . . well, today was worse than normal. I was down to my last bit of Liquid ASS, but figured it'd be a good day to run out, so what the hell.

Standing in line, the gal asks me what I want, and I give a squirt of LA while deliberating my choices. I tell her, "Uh, well, not the broccoli, that's for sure. How about the chicken parmesean?" She asks why not the broccoli, and I tell her it smells like it's gone bad. The guy behind me is getting all kinds of grossed out right now, and he whole–heartedly agrees that the broccoli has gone bad. Not our server gal . . . nope, she proves the broccoli is fine by grabbing some and eating, saying, "See, it's fine!" Poor guy behind me almost throws up right there, but manages to just turn about and leave. I damn near bit the inside of my cheek off trying to not laugh. She was all confused. The next people in line were like, "What happened?" Others stated the guy that walked off got suddenly sick . . . "Yeah, he must have ruined his pants doing that!" Lots of mumbling, grumbling, but not many other clear comments.

— Double–O–Shat

19August2009 Work Prank: ". . . check the vents for dead animals."

Let me start by saying that Liquid ASS is the best shat I have ever used to play a prank. I work for a retail auto parts store with about nine other employees. At first I just used a tiny amount in the restrooms. To my delight, my boss ran out of the bathroom and PUKED on the floor!!

Everyone dismissed the smell, so I bumped it up a little bit — well a lot actually. I used a whole bottle one day. Customers would walk in and about face and split!! I was fighting to hold my laughter in. The store smelled so bad that my boss called the corporate headquarters to have a maintenance guy come and check the vents for dead animals. Nobody ever figured out where the awful smell was coming from.

BEST SHAT EVER THANX!!!!!

— JH

14August2009 Office and Car Pranks: ". . . the perfect prank product!!!"

I'm a medic for an ambulance service in the Houston area and I have found that your product Liquid ASS is the Holy Grail of stink! The office in which I work has a portable AC that is sometimes used to cool the office down when it's really hot out. I dosed the AC vent and cleared the office in under 2 minutes!

I found that when Liquid ASS is added to gelatin, it produces a thick STANKY substance. This sticky nectar of the stink gods can be smeared under the door handle of any late model car. Just sit back and watch the reaction of the person after they open their car door with a new case of "stink finger".

I have also found that sometimes you can't get close to your intended victim, so a syringe must be used. I use a 10cc syringe (no needle), pre–filled and capped until firing time! I can easily get a 10 foot stream with minimal bystander casualties while obtaining the desired effect!

Thanks guys for making the perfect prank product!!!

— EMT BL

03August2009 High School Prank: "Did somebody take a shat in here?"

I wanted to tell you guys about another Liquid ASS prank I pulled off just before the end of the last school year. I chose to shat bomb an indoor stairwell. This tiny little thing had no ventilation or A/C except when the door was open to go outside. Around 200 students use the stairwell to go down to the cafeteria, and I made sure none of them would have an appetite. So 20 minutes before the lunch bell rang, I got a hall pass and went to the stairwell and squirted half a bottle in there. Then I ran for cover.

The bell rings and I have to head in the same direction as my victims, but I was prepared for it. I was only halfway there when someone said that "the stairs smell like shit." Once in the stairwell I covered my nose with my shirt, but I could still smell it. Seriously, even with my shirt filter, I couldn't breathe because it smelled like I was shoving my nose up some sweaty nasty butt crack. Once outside, I stood far away from the doorway to watch because the wind was blowing the smell everywhere and I caught little whiffs of ASS fumes. Some people came out with dirty looks on their faces with wrinkled noses and their mouths puckered up like a cat's ass. Others busted out of the door violently gagging or coughing. Some people swore loudly, and one guy sort of bent over in the vomit position (he wasn't actually going to throw up) and said, "It smell like somebody done SHAT and DIED!" I also heard the following from other people:

     "F**k it stinks in there!"

     "Did somebody take a shat in here?"

     "It was those FRESHMEN!!!" [But I was a junior at the time.]

     "DAAAAYYYAAAMM."

     "What the f**k, man???

— Marcos

28July2009 Work Elevator Pranks: "You don't even want to go in there. It's nasty."

I received my order and the PACKAGE reeked before I opened it. This stuff is WAY FOUL! My first prank was laying some Liquid ASS down in one of the elevators where I work. I applied a generous amount from a streamer bottle prior to exiting the elevator on the ground floor. As I returned to wait for one to get back up to my floor, the one in question that I hit emptied out a load of people that were gagging and trying to cover their faces to fend off he smell. One lady even looked straight at me as she was walking out (not knowing I was the culprit) and said, "You don't even want to go in there. It's nasty." Making my way up the other elevator, it stopped before it got to my floor. I noticed another group of people outside the elevator making comments about the horrible smell. After the application of the Liquid Ass, the elevator was taken out of service, scrubbed down, and left open for nearly an hour to air it out. I wish I'd had a camera.

Later, I tried a dose with a mister this time and a co–worker who rode in the elevator that I hit said, "It smelled like vomit." This stuff is awesome!

I also got revenge on a mail room worker who likes to marinate himself in his cologne. The entire hallway reeks when he lays some on. I walked into the mail room and hit him with a couple spritzes and it completely overwhelmed his fragrance. Even when he tried to use more cologne to counteract the ASS, it failed miserably.

— GasMaster

23July2009 Pranks at the Ice Rink: ". . . my sides have not stopped aching from laughter . . ."

I just wish to let you know that I have most gratefully received my purchase of Liquid ASS . . . my sides have not stopped aching from laughter especially after a few puffs into the DJ box at our local ice rink. We had no music for 15 minutes while he got over his nausea and aired it out. It took a long time to evaporate in the cold still air. It also went down really well on the chin strap of a mate's ice hockey helmet.

Thanks again and you will hear from me again when my supply is near depletion.

— Mick in South Australia

07July2009 European Mall Prank: ". . . the ENTIRE shopping mall had this butt–crack smell."

Bravo for this incredible artifact! Second to none! As an American living in Europe, I have noticed how bad and rude people are over here whether in a restaurant or a store. Your Liquid ASS has straightened everything out even to my European wife's satisfaction.

We were running errands in the local shopping mall where sales clerks are impolite and unsmiling and the security guards are all checking out my wife — even caught them whistling at my wife as we passed one of them on some occasion while I was holding her arm. Vengeance! Revenge time was decided — both of us literally emptied each two bottles of Liquid ASS in the main food court area in this 150 store mall very discreetly in plants while we were nicely and comfortably seated. Its effect taking about thirty seconds, we then moved on quickly to the opposite side of the mall and squirted an extra five bottles with the help of a friend. We then moved up the escalator to the top of the building and squirted five other bottles. Within a few minutes, the ENTIRE shopping mall had this butt–crack smell. People were leaving. Those entering the revolving doors would just immediately move outside. The security guards were absolutely choking their guts out and frankly we watched most clients just run out of the premises. Those eating where we had first squirted Liquid ASS didn't finish their meals. In a nutshell, two stores closed and anonymously did we savor a sweet revenge for the unkindness we had been subject to for so long.

Another subpart of the story is that when squirting discreetly (careful of hidden cameras), I got some Liquid ASS on my wife's hand bag — biggest mistake ever as the smell was tenacious and I had to buy her a new one.

Thanks again.

— Superfart

19June2009 Drug Store Prank: ". . . he was checking his shoes for dog poop."

I just wanted to tell you about my Liquid ASS prank I did at a drug store. Here's my story: About three months ago, I was shopping at a drug store. The employees that work there are not friendly to the customers. They are always kind of rude to me. Anyway I thought the perfect payback would be Liquid ASS. So I went into the drug store and I took out my Liquid ASS and just started squirting it everywhere I could get it. No one saw me do it. I left real fast because I knew it was about to start working. Anyway I just kind of hung around and pretty soon it started smelling real bad. People were coming in and looking around, wondering what the smell was. One guy came in and he was checking his shoes for dog poop. Pretty soon two employees were looking around for the smell. They were changing the garbage cans. One employee took one of the garbage cans out and pretty soon they started spraying air refreshener every in the store. I almost busted out laughing right then and there. I left soon after that but it was real funny. I have never had so much fun in my life.

Two days later I went back into that store to do one more Liquid ASS prank by the bathroom. I used the mister version. I sprayed 6 sprays by the bathroom. (I like the streaming tip better.) I got some milk and I went to pay for it. Then I just kind of hung around and watched the bathroom. Some of the employees were going by the bathroom. They started smelling the great Liquid ASS going to work. One employee started checking the trash cans by the entrance. I heard one employee tell another employee how it smelled like shit. One of the managers came up to me and ask me not to loiter around. I knew he thought I had something to do with the smell, but he never said anything. I just said I was waiting for my ride. So I left and I never pulled another Liquid ASS prank there again, but it was well worth Liquid ASSing that place. I have never had so much fun.

Thank you, Assmen, for such a wonderful smelling ass product.

— Jokester27

31May2009 Mall Pranks: "We just couldn't contain ourselves from laughing . . . "

Wow, me and my friends went to the mall today and stunk up some bathrooms and shops. The look on peoples face is priceless. We used our Liquid ASS so much that mall security started walking around so we left. This is the best thing I ever invested money in. Wow!

One of the funniest parts was when I gave the bottle to my friend and he went into a bathroom stall and sprayed it like 10 times and we just waited by the sink. A guy went into the stall, sat down, and about 30 seconds later ran out with his pants around his ankles (he had boxers on) and started gasping for air over the sink. Besides that we just saw all the typical responses of disgust and watery eyes on peoples faces. We just couldn't contain ourselves from laughing when the janitors came in like an army looking for broken glass from stink bombs. I have 3 bottles of LA left and when I run out you can count on getting multiple orders from me.

Thanks again for a great product!

— Mooshi and Friends

23May2009 Miscellaneous Pranking: "This stuff is like out of Dante's Inferno . . . "

I truly think that Liquid ASS is one of the greatest inventions of all time. I originally purchased the product for revenge for my boyfriend's flatulence. I read your reviews and thought it would be perfect to spray on him or in the general area to compensate for the fact that I do not have the capacity to naturally reciprocate his horrific odors. However, when I received the package, I noticed that the package itself smelled quite offensively. Upon opening it, opening a bottle, getting a whiff . . . I realized the product was just too powerful even for that type of strike. That would have been a suicide mission. I never thought that I would smell something as bad as this product smells. Liquid ASS far surpassed my expectations. The caliber and strength of Liquid ASS is far, far higher than I could ever, ever have expected in my life. This stuff is like out of Dante's Inferno . . . just add another level of Hell and you're about there.

Months and months later after the initial shock wore off and I dared to uncap the product again, Liquid ASS has become mission essential. We never leave home without it. It's not even just for revenge anymore. Revenge was the original intent, but then we decided then to deploy the product just for entertainment purposes. It clears a room better than any tactic I have seen. There is no greater entertainment in the world than observing the reactions after a particularly strong deployment. It works pretty much in any indoor location — cars, too. I have seen revolts started over these smells. If the targets are drunk enough, you can even spray it right on them and occasionally, it provokes instantaneous vomiting. Our battle damage assessments are now often totals. The key is to get in, deploy it, get out of the area of operation, and assume position out of the "odor" radius to observe the reactions.

I just cannot stress enough how Liquid ASS is the greatest revenge product of all time.

— K

10May2009 Fast–food Prank: ". . . the employees were hanging out the window trying to get some fresh, un–ASSsed air!"

I just wanted to you to know that I just had a successful ASSing at a fast food restaurant. I ordered my food and, while standing at the counter, I ASSed that. While the smell wafted up, I waited for my food. Well, I am sure they started to smell it when they handed me my food because the lady looked so disgusted, yet was trying really hard to be nice. As I went to sit down, I ASSed as I was walking, of course, finding the longest path I could, getting the carpet along the way. By the time I sat down, someone noticed the smell and they started to look around. I've done a few ASSings and can now successfully act innocent — look disgusted just as another fish does in a sea of ASS!

As time went by, the workers started to gather and talk. I overheard the following comments:

     "Is that you? Did you step in something?"
     "No, man! I swear!"

     "Ugh . . . it smells like horse shat."

At this cue, I knew the Liquid ASS smell had invaded all the cracks and crevices of the store. I smelled success. I sat there for a while seeing the manager get called over as a customer made a complaint — this was starting to be a nice and juicy ASSing! But it gets better. The customers said they didn't want to eat in a place that smelled like that for fear of dying — I felt kind of bad about that, but Liquid ASS is safe and the look of sorrow and confusion because of the smell was worth it.

I decided it was about time to leave. So, I did one more ASSing around and got the door handles nice and wet. I sat in my car in hopes someone would leave right after me — Success!!! A whole family did. They all looked dumbfounded when they stepped into the foyer (the first thing I ASSed) and it smelled so much worse then inside. As I sat there, I saw a few of the family members look appalled at the smell as they quickly left to get into their van. Oh, I can just imagine the ride home — ASS–covered hands. The golden sweet spot of ASSing, the thought of the hours after the fact of it being laid down . . . priceless.

It still gets better . . . I decided it was time to leave, so I pulled around to take a look through the drive–through window — the employees were hanging out the window trying to get some fresh, un–ASSsed air! I decided that was good enough for me. So I made my rounds to go get gas and decided to go back by. Well, by that time all the doors were open — even the back door! And they had a fan by the back door proving that the ASSing was super successful.

Thanks, guys, for giving me yet ANOTHER successful ASSing, and a great story to tell!!!

— JT

01May2009 Pranking the Public: "I almost can't contain myself from laughing."

Let me tell you, I love this Liquid ASS. I have a lot of fun watching people's faces as they block their noses and complain about the smell. Most people look at their shoes thinking they have squashed shit — real shit — fresh shit on their soles. I almost can't contain myself from laughing. One of the "victims" asked me, "Can't you smell a strange odor like cockroaches?" Another guy told me he thought he shit his pants. Very funny!

And the best is that nobody suspects where the cause is.

I have 3 bottles but plan to get more bottles soon. It really works.

— Jaz

27April2009 Wedding Prank: "The stench went into the hallway and then into the room with the food."

I heard about Liquid ASS via the web and was quick to order. Just to smell it — no more, no less. But my wife was shoved into addressing 150 invitations for this jerk of a bride for this girl's wedding. The bride didn't give a thank you or a job well done. Nothing. At that moment, I shoved the LA bottle into a ziplock bag and put it in my bags because we were going to the wedding that week.

We got to it, and at the reception we sprayed it in the boys' and girls' bathrooms (girls' bathroom accessible via wife). We sprayed everything — the bridesmaids' purses, the walls, the toilet seats. And heck, we were going to spray the bride by posing it like water, but couldn't. A few bridesmaidss went to the bathroom and immediately jumped back saying things like:

     "It smells like shit . . ."

     "What is that?"

     "My word, [puts handkerchief over her nose] it smells . . ."

Just after that, a man walks into the bathroom, walks out two seconds later, takes a deep breath, and walks back in. One minute later he rushes out, gasping for breath. It was hilarious. The stench went into the hallway and then into the room with the food. The bride's mother then scurries over with the wedding planner to find out what was going on. They nearly vomited. They called maintenance right after they left. The maintenance guy sprayed it down with bleach — IT DIDN'T HELP. Ha, they basically had to use a port–a–potty outside that was used for construction workers. The potty smelled quite bad — not as bad as LA — but almost, so we left it alone. We left before we could be questioned.

Thanks LA, for the greatest amount of pay–back ever dealt. Your product is great. My family's and my stomach were hurting so hard because of the laughing. Keep doing what your doing.

— Clyde

26April2009 High School Pranks: ". . . it smells like the sewage line . . . just ruptured."

Well I bought Liquid ASS for use at school. I have done stink bombs before, but this is much, much worse. Ignore everything about smells like dead animals and whatnot — it smells like the sewage line in whatever building you're in just ruptured. There is no way around it — this stuff legitimately smells like feces. (I'm actually kind of scared of what might be in these little bottles.) I got the spray (not squirt) kind and it only takes one or two sprays to clear a room. When used, the most common assumption made by the victims is that it's a fart. But, somehow, over a few seconds, the smell gets much worse, at which point many people assume that somebody literally shat their pants with one hearing comments like "everybody check your pants". Some people literally thought that someone was playing a prank where shit was actually hidden in the room. I can't wait to get some more to see how many stores at the mall I can clear out. I highly recommend Liquid ASS.

— Billy Bob

04April2009 Pranks around the Apartment Complex: "It's like sticking your nose up the anus of a dog . . ."

Liquid ASS is one of the worst smelling things ever — awesome product. It really smells like ass/shit at its worst or as one of my friends say, "It's like sticking your nose up the anus of a dog that just took a crap."

Now I have been using it for almost 2 month and I have had a lot of fun. As a comparison, I put a piece of old meat in a bottle, screwed on the cap, and let it stand for 2 weeks at room temperature. But Liquid ASS is worse. (I got the idea from a guy who had smelled a piece of rotten meat in a jar and said it was much worse — but he had only smelt Liquid ASS in a very low concentration.)

The efficiency is just awesome — especially when the liquid gets into a fine mist (that helps it to evaporate faster). How long it lasts varies depending on the ventilation. Usually when applied in mister form (which I normally do because it's the most effective) and used heavily enough for the area to be "ASS'ed", it lasts anywhere from 10–20 minutes in high ventilated areas (such as a big room with all doors and windows open and slightly moving air trough it, or even outdoor if it's not too windy) to over 2 hours in low ventilated areas.

Once I sprayed about 4cc on the bottom of a 3rd floor stairway in my mother's house (an old house that's very low ventilated). The next day, her neighbor on the top floor was concerned about the smell which was seeping into her apartment. When I got there 5 days later it still smelled slightly.

Some of the fun some friends and I have done include clearing out whole waiting areas in train stations. Recently I hid on the upper floor in a mall right above a small restaurant area and sprayed 30 pumps with the "ass mister" (one bottle is about 200 pumps). 20–30 secs later, the people sitting at the nearest table began to look really disgusted and then they just left with their food half eaten. A couple of minutes later, the whole restaurant area was cleared out and the restaurant workers were having a big discussion as to where the smell was coming from. At this point, the stench even began to spread to the upper floor. When I went down the escalator, 2 people in front of me were checking their shoes for dog crap. I also sprayed 8 pumps between the 2 sets of doors to a store right below my house. About a minute later, I heard 2 girls gagging as they went in. A couple of minutes later, the stench started to spread into the store. Some people working in the store were also checking the doorway for dog crap or something.

One time when I heard they had a party above my apartment, I laid down about 5 cc (1/6 bottle) in the elevator and waited for the fun. About 20 minutes later, some guys were leaving the party and I saw the elevator go up to the floor above mine. A few minutes later, I heard them exclaim, "WHAT THE F**K". They got off the elevator and took the stairs instead. The next day someone had put up a message: "To the owner of the dog: Please go clean the elevator! — it's not easy to ride an elevator with that smell." 24 hours later, the elevator still smelled pretty bad, but about 40 hours later it only smelled lightly of bleach because someone had cleaned it.

I also had some persons not living in my house sitting at the bottom of the stairway stinking it up with cigarette smoke. So I gave them something really stinky to deal with. I sneaked out and squirted about 1/3 bottle Liquid ASS between the stairs and the wall from the 4th floor so it landed about 5m from where they sat. A couple of minutes later, they began to blame each other for shitting themselves. I continued to spray another 1/3 bottle in the big gap in the corner between the square shaped shaft and round stairs with the mist bottle. Then it smelled so much they realized the smell was coming from something else. A girl said, "Why does it smell like this?" She began to walk upstairs, but made it maybe one floor before she screamed, "OOOOHH" and came right back down. Then they all left. Thanks to the delay in the evaporation of the liquid, it didn't smell much where I had been standing.

— C20 (Stockholm, Sweden)

25March2009 Pranks at Work and Home: "I have sprayed all my wife's friends . . ."

Liquid ASS Guys,

Ok, all I can say about Liquid ASS is that it will bring you to laughter instantly. Here are a few of our stories. (I have to be kinda discreet because I am a local business owner, and I don't need to let the cat out of the bag!!!) We have sprayed Liquid ASS in every possible way — from bathrooms, public places, cops, delivery people, and the list goes on. So here are a few of the good ones.

Delivery driver: We had a delivery driver pull up to our front door to deliver some goods. We saw the opportunity to spray the door handle (best spot to spray) so I discreetly walked by his truck and sprayed the door handle while he was in the store. However the subject was in our store going number 2 in the men's bathroom. So given the opportunity, I went and resprayed his handle one more time to make sure it was fresh. Now our subject comes out of the restroom, goes to his truck, and opens his door (putting the Liquid ASS on his hands). Once in the truck the laughter begins. Subject is looking on the floor, in the console, on his shoes. He is looking everywhere for the smell. Subject gets out of the truck still looking at the bottom of his shoes. Inside the truck he is looking everywhere. But the funniest is yet to come. He takes a drink out of a bottle of water with the hand that was tainted with the ass spray. He kept smelling his water thinking it was bad. So finally he drives across the street to a gas station. He gets out of the truck, takes his shoes, socks, and jacket off, looking them over. He even looks at the back side of his pants to make sure he didn't go number 2.

Customer: We have this guy that comes to the store quite often, and he always brings his Winnie dog and leaves him on our porch. Now this dog really can't hold his bowels when he is on the porch, so I am always left with a mess to clean up after he leaves. Now it's time to get back. I go and spray the dog with a little Liquid ASS. Now the funniest part of this one is that when the subject gets ready to leave, he grabs the tainted dog and puts him in the car. Our customer is looking everywhere for the tainted smell!!! While watching and laughing, I saw our customer get out of the car. I was thinking he was going to kill the dog; however, he goes straight to the bathroom to check himself!!!!! He gets out of the bathroom and drives off very fast.

I have seen people that we have sprayed smell their armpits and breath. I had one that was eating chips that kept smelling the chip bag. I have sprayed all my wife's friends, my personal bathroom, my mother, and my daughter. I take Liquid ASS with me EVERYWHERE I go because you never know the opportunity that you will get. I just wish there was some way I could get it all on film.

— LG

28February2009 Office Prank: "Whoever was just in that bathroom needs to see a doctor."

This is the shit . . . I love it . . . I have had more fun with a bottle of Liquid ASS than a vacation in Hawaii could have given me . . . I love it. I did the prank at work . . . maybe it was a mistake. Dude, it was pretty bad. This is a two story building with two bathrooms on the first floor and one upstairs. I did two pumps in the urinal and walked out back to my desk. About ten minutes goes by and I started hearing all the moans and groans coming from the guys that sit near the restroom. Some of the comments I heard were:

     "Whoever was just in that bathroom needs to see a doctor."

     "Is there a dead cat in there?"

     "This smells like we work next to a feed lot."

1 1/2 hours later the plumber came out because the receptionist thought the ventilation fan broke or the sewer backed up. The worst part was trying to keep it to myself. My stomach hurt from laughing so hard. I know that they had to have shelled out around 500 bucks to that plumber . . . and I did not want to have to explain to the facilities manager that I just wanted to try out my little bottle of Liquid ASS. Anyways I'm a little more careful with it now.

Too much fun. Rock on bitches.

— Art Assmaster

20February2009 Office Prank: "All my co–workers left the room and sat outside in the cold . . ."

I work at a company that fuels commercial airplanes. The operations office was full of people so I decided to test out Liquid ASS. Our operations office is not that big and the door has to remain closed due to security. Once inside, I hung out for a few minutes and then squirted a little on the floor by the desk where some people were sitting. Almost instantly, the air turned into a foul ASS smell. People started looking around asking, "Did someone shit themselves?" I then walked around the desk while people were talking and squirted the rest of the bottle all over the floor. No one knew what it was. They ended up opening the doors in the building. A co–worker of mine then attempted to cover the smell with Fabreeze. This made it even worse. It now smelled like a rotten diaper. All my co–workers left the room and sat outside in the cold rather be inside. This smell — NO JOKE — stayed in this room for over two days. Here are some of the quotes people said below.

     "It seriously smells like someone sharted."

     "Not even jet fuel covers this smell."

     "Smells like someone dropped a duce."

     "Did someone shit in the trash can?"

     "Smells like rotten ass"

I never did tell them who did it . . . or where it came from. I tried so hard not to laugh at how these guys were flipping out over this smell. haha. Goodtimes.

Even my little daughter, who is a year and a half, says, "EWWW!" when smelling this.

This stuff is the best/worst smell EVER!!!

— B.S.

20February2009 The Doctor's Evaluation: ". . . it smells exactly like . . ."

My doctor friend took a whiff of my Liquid ASS yesterday. He said it smells exactly like an accident victim who had lost control of their bowels before being brought into the E.R. It's so bad, I think Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs should visit the factory where it's made.

— MB

30January2009 Ex–wife Prank: ". . . she could still faintly smell the mysterious "cat shit smell". . ."

I acquired a bottle of Liquid ASS from a friend. One day I called the (cheater) ex–wife and went over to see the kids. She had to run to the store and the kids were playing outside which gave me a few minutes for mischief. (Wait for it . . .) I went to her bedroom and peeled back the sheets from our former bed where she now sleeps with a former buddy of mine. (Wait for it . . .) I HOSED down the mattress under the pillows and remade the bed. (But wait, there's more . . .) Then I sprayed a bit on the bottom article of clothing in each of his drawers in my old closet. The remaining few squirts of liquid ASS were sprayed into the air conditioning vent in the master bedroom. Wow am I a prick. (Yeah, enjoy that smell you filthy cheating evil . . .)

The best part of the news is that I got my cat back when they placed the blame on him. About 3 weeks after the ninja–like attack on her bed, she complained to me that she could still faintly smell the mysterious "cat shit smell" when she lays down in bed.

The cat and I are finally satisfied with ourselves and I will be ordering a 9–pack of Liquid ASS in the next few days. Perhaps we'll have to visit again and renew the attack on the mattress because I miss my dog, too.

Thank you Liquid ASS for the satisfaction and the laughs.

— Big Chris and Ozzy (the cat)

25January2009 Office Bathroom Prank: "It smells like death in there."

Dear Assmen,

I wanted to send my Liquid ASS prank to you. It all started a year ago when I bought some of your Liquid ASS. Anyway, I took it to work and I put it in one of the bathrooms. The guy that does the cleaning told me that he went in there and he could not believe the smell. He said that he could not stand to go into that bathroom to clean it and when he did, he gagged every time. He looked high and low for the smell, but he could not find it. I was looking for the smell, too, but I was just playing along with him. He said, "It smells like death in there." He was convinced that something was dead up in the ventilation shaft. Anyway, he mopped that whole bathroom and that is when I started feeling a little guilty for my prank, but it was fun anyway. I never told him or anyone else.

You really have a great product. Thanks, Assmen.

— Prankster

14January2009 Car and Fast Food Pranks: ". . . the most horrid smelling invention ever . . ."

I finally pranked someone with the most horrid smelling invention ever — Liquid ASS. I squirted some into a plastic ziplock bag with a cotton ball inside and stuffed it under a friend of mine's passenger seat in his car. Within seconds, it smelled as if a bear took a dump in his glovebox. When he returned to his car (with me and another buddy who was in on it), he freaked out at the nasty stench. The first thing he said was, "Who hid the turd in here, 'cause it's not funny?" (It was.) So that we could continue to prank his car in the future, we convinced him that he must have run over a squirrel and that it was stuck under his car and rotting.

Later, some buddies and I went to a popular fast food joint, but before entering we sprayed our "actor" with L.A. It was all over him. He smelled like he rolled in crap, then washed it off in a sewage treatment center. So he walks in and orders just like normal. We got some great reactions, such as:

     "SOMETHING'S LEAKING!!"

     "I think it's a rat!"

     "The ice cream machine must have dropped something!"

     "WHAT IS THAT??!?!"

     "Dang! That stinks!!"

Great stuff. Great laughs.

— Ryan

06January2009 Office Revenge on the Man: ". . . the dumbasses thought a sewer line was broke . . ."

Morale at my work is pretty low since an investment group bought our company. They came in and started cutting heads and pinching pennies every way they could. I had had it, so I started looking for revenge. I found your product and ASSed the hell out of the bathroom. They couldn't figure it out. They had the cleaning people in there; building maintenance/engineering, too. Anyway, the dumbasses thought a sewer line was broke, so they are all pouring bleach and other shit down all the drains, etc.

After 2 weeks of constant nausea, the cheap bastards broke down and called in a professional plumber who tore apart crap to find the pipes. He did some repairs on whatever. After that I stopped the ASSings so they think the plumber fixed the problem. Well, the "problem" is about to start up again (hehehee). I hope the plumber gave them a big ass bill!

I love your product!!

— John Thompson

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