Dr. Assman, Ph.Ew.
The March2006 issue of Consumer Reports notes the following:
". . . laughter can help relax the blood vessels, boost blood circulation, and possibly help prevent heart attacks, research shows."
It is an oft-spoken adage: Laughter is the best medicine. Unfortunately, laughter is not a pill you can take. However, you can get laughter in a bottle - Liquid ASS. Dr. Assman prescribes 2-3 office pranks per week to obtain the optimal laughter needed for good health. Nothing will get you laughing like seeing people's grimaces and hearing their comments about the intense, ass-crack stench you have unleashed. It really works. Browse through our Feedback Page and see how our customers are benefiting from the laughter generated by a healthy dose of Liquid ASS.
Customer testimonial:
"I'm having such great fun with this product. I never laughed so hard in my life."
Using the streaming tip version of Liquid ASS, squirt liberally with a sweeping motion over a large surface area.
On most carpeted floors, Liquid ASS is not visible and the smell lasts longer. On tile floors, squirt in the corners to minimize light reflection. (See illustrations below). A good rule of thumb is to apply Liquid ASS around the perimeter of the target area or approximately that same amount spread over the middle area.
Several significant variables will affect the performance of your Liquid ASS operation. Results will vary due to ventilation, room size, and amount applied. In general (95% of the time), when used indoors with medium ventilation, a third of a bottle will generate dry–heave–quality stench from one to three hours.
The guidelines given above combine simplicity, effectiveness, and entertainment value.
You can purchase Liquid ASS for as low as $3.78 per bottle. Simply go to the Products page of our online store.
Our customers tell us how much Liquid ASS makes them laugh:
"I haven't laughed so hard in a long time"
". . . I challenge anyone to not laugh uncontrollably."
"I almost peed my pants I was laughing so hard."
"I was laughing so hard when we left that I could barely drive home."
"Every day I was laughing my ass off in college . . ."
"I just had to go off and hide some where on my own and burst my sides laughing!"
"All I could do by hearing and witnessing the mass hysteria was laugh my head off."
"I and the other 2 girls I work with have been pretty much peeing our pants with laughter."
"I ran out of the locker room dying of laughter."
"I laughed so hard . . ."
"After nearly shitting my pants because I was laughing so hard,"
". . . we all got a good laugh. What a great product."
"Words can not even discribe the laughing that came from my coworkers."
"I was laughing so hard my mascara dripped down my face."
". . . holy shit did I laugh."
". . . I sat back and laughed my ass off!"
"I have never dry heaved or laughed as hard . . ."
"The girls and I in the office laughed our asses off."
". . . Larry started laughing so hard that he had tears coming out of his eyes."
"It was the funniest thing I've ever experienced in my entire life."
Spread the cheer. Give the gift of Liquid ASS. Induce laughter in others with a Liquid ASS gag gift.
In some weird sick way I LOVE Liquid Ass. I already used half my bottle in the locker room at my work. I'll quote three people's reactions as they walked into the small unventilated room:
"WHOA, someone took a massive shit!"
"What the f*** is that f***ing smell and why isn't it going away?"
"Did something crawl out of someone's ass and die in here?"
It was priceless. I ran out of the locker room dying of laughter. Needless to say I will be buying more, very soon!
Thank you very much.
— Max
Are you feeling down in the dumps? A little depressed? Life getting you down? Nothing chases the blues away like the guffawing laughter produced by some innocuous Liquid ASS pranks.
You can purchase Liquid ASS for as low as $3.78 per bottle. Simply go to the Products page of our online store.
That is some funny shit. I actually tried it at Thanksgiving on my sister. She volunteered to do the dishes after dinner and while at the sink, I sprayed it on her jeans around her ass. About 2 minutes later she was yelling, "What the F*%K is that smell, it smells like shit." I told her it was probably her ass. She claimed she had taken a shower prior to coming over. She just kept dancing around trying to find out where the stink was coming from. By this time, my two other sisters had come over and got a whiff of the horrific sewer-pickle stench. She got to a point where she thought maybe she did mess her pants so she went into the bathroom and after she realized there was nothing in there, she invited all my sisters to come into the bathroom and take a look at her underwear to prove that she didn't shit herself.
After nearly shitting my pants because I was laughing so hard, I 'fessed up. She was none too happy about it, but we all got a good laugh. What a great product. You guys should make some liquid B.O. I bet that would be good for some laughs.
Thanks Again!
— Who Dey
Note: Images of Marx Brothers and Calvin and Hobbes are intended as an incentive to purchase Marx Brothers movies and Calvin and Hobbes comic books as a laughter supplement to Liquid–ASS–generated laughter.
Page last updated 28April2008.
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