If you have them, it is a living nightmare. And getting rid of them is next to impossible. Dealing with them is a chafing, frustrating, unending experience. No, I am not talking about fleas. I mean bad neighbors.
You can try reasoning with your neighbor. But how can you reason with unreasonable people?
How about ignoring your neighbor? Let's see — they are loud, obnoxious, annoying, even nasty — no luck there.
Eventually you are driven to the last resort — revenge. In most cases, you will get there sooner or later. However, the means of effective revenge for a sane and moral person are few. The frustration caused by one's inability to satiate vengeful desires can destroy one's health and mental well-being. Enter: Liquid ASS. Properly applied (see our Suggested Uses page for proven methods), Liquid ASS produces an intense, long-lasting, authentic butt-crack smell that will have your problem neighbor baffled by what the hell happened. Liquid ASS will deliver a concluding amount of satisfaction accompanied by fits of laughter brought on by the funny, futile antics of your neighbor in searching for the source. The end result is a satisfying measure of revenge, peace of mind, and no harm done.
You can purchase Liquid ASS for as low as $3.78 per bottle. Simply go to the Products page of our online store.
Using the streaming tip version of Liquid ASS, squirt liberally with a sweeping motion over a large surface area.
On most carpeted floors, Liquid ASS is not visible and the smell lasts longer. On tile floors, squirt in the corners to minimize light reflection. (See illustrations below). A good rule of thumb is to apply Liquid ASS around the perimeter of the target area or approximately that same amount spread over the middle area.
Several significant variables will affect the performance of your Liquid ASS operation. Results will vary due to ventilation, room size, and amount applied. In general (95% of the time), when used indoors with medium ventilation, a third of a bottle will generate dry–heave–quality stench from one to three hours.
The guidelines given above combine simplicity, effectiveness, and entertainment value.
Charles in Australia was having many sleepless nights due to the neighbor's extremely loud stereo and late-night parties. Eventually, he was able to exact harmless revenge and actually got his neighbors to turn the stereo off and end the nocturnal carousings. What method did he find that worked?
• Asking them politely to keep it down? — No
• Calling the police? — No
• Trying to overpower them with his own amped-up stereo? — No
Click here to find out what did work (come on, you already know) and to read all the details.
Listen to an email received by Preston and Steve of WMMR, Philadelphia from two college guys who got their revenge on their loud, constant-partying, downstairs neighbors with Liquid ASS
(624 KB, MP3) or read the email transcibed below.
Hey Preston,
Love the show. You guys rock. I go to college a little bit outside of Philly and the neighbors that live downstairs are constantly throwing loud parties late into the night. My roommate and I both play sports and often have to get up early on the weekends so you can see how annoying this can get. After repeatedly knocking on the door and asking them to keep it down since September, we decided it was time to unleash the Great Equalizer. Around 1:30 am, my roommate cut a small hole in the screen of his window and squeezed a nice size amount of the foulest smelling stench to ever be a part of this earth out the window and down onto the sidewalk right next to their open window. About ten minutes later, we unleashed round two out of our other window. We were originally were planning on them coming outside to smoke a cigarette and then smell it. But then to our surprise and great satisfaction, it ended up drifting into their apartment. About ten people ended up leaving the party soon after that, gagging and coughing along the way. It was then that we heard a walkie–talkie and saw a flashlight coming through the courtyard. The stench was so bad that they ended up calling the cops. Soon after, we heard the cop say into the walkie–talkie, "Oh my word, they weren't lying. I smell it now." They looked all over the yard for a stink bomb or poo or something like that. But thanks to the handy size of Liquid ASS, we got our revenge unscathed and got a hell of a laugh in the process. Keep up the great work, you guys.
— Matt
How can you exact revenge on your neighbor without inflicting bodily harm, causing property damage, or landing yourself in the clink? The answer is Liquid ASS. Liquid ASS will part their hair. The putrid smell will get the job done and goes away within a few hours. Liquid ASS has been tested to be safe. No harm done.
You can purchase Liquid ASS for as low as $3.78 per bottle. Simply go to the Products page of our online store.
Dear Liquid ASS,
I would like to thank you SO much for making such an incredible product. In March 2008, the overprivileged, corn–fed college kids living in the ground unit below us decided it was party time. They had previously been just a little noisy, but some new kid (a COMPLETE psychopath) moved in and suddenly wall–trembling door–slamming, fights and all–night parties became a regular occurrence. I lost several nights of sleep and was passing out on my desk at work after their benders. Everyone else in the building had complained about them — the parties, the yelling, the swearing and explicit sex–talk in front of children — and the complex management had started eviction procedures. They were trashing their unit and making enemies of everyone.
Fortunately, the night my Liquid ASS arrived, they were having another all–nighter. Dozens of kids yelling inside and out, loud shitty music (Ashlee Simpson . . . at least party to some decent music you f****n' retards). At around midnight, my wife went to bed and I turned off all the lights and waited on our balcony for about an hour. My intent was to dump some Liquid ASS over our balcony rail so it would land in front of their balcony. Armed with one bottle of Liquid ASS in each hand, I quietly emptied them over the rail. The straight stream nozzle is GREAT because it's totally slient, and in the night atmosphere the streams of Liquid ASS were completely invisible. This saved my plan because it turned out a couple girls from the party were on their balcony having a quiet smoke. If they saw it coming down they would've known what was happening, but they were completely oblivious. Immediately they started coughing and gagging!!! I heard one of them wretching as she went back inside, yelling "SOMETHING'S WRONG OUTSIDE — OH MY WORD!!!!!!". Partygoers poured out into the night, all of them coughing and gagging as they took their first whiffs of the awful smell. Because the Liquid ASS had landed on some rocks, it was impossible to see and because of the intensity of the smell and dispersion it was hard to tell exactly where it was coming from. I guess they figured something was horribly wrong with the plumbing because 15 minutes later EVERY KID AT THE PARTY HAD LEFT. The shitty music was off, the lights were out and I sat looking at the beautiful night sky whispering, "Thank you, Liquid ASS".
After the Liquid ASSing, they remained noisy and obnoxious during the day, but the all–nighters stopped. I took a couple opportunities to respond to their door–slamming, curse–yelling and car–engine–revving by dousing their hibachi and the seat of their bicycle in the weeks it took for the complex to finally get rid of them. I *SWEAR* the Liquid ASS kept them in check. I think they knew someone was retaliating, but they couldn't prove who — they just knew everybody hated them and someone was fighting back.
Life has been SWEET since they finally moved out. I'm not exaggertaing here . . . Liquid ASS literally improved the quality of our life. I was able to peacefully retaliate against these ass***es without any direct confrontation, and it was THE MOST SATISFYING REVENGE EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE. I want to thank you, and I want to thank Andrew for contacting me and personally delivering me a few bottles when he was in town so I could put an end to the ass***ery ASAP. That was above and beyond the call of duty and we appreciate it SO much. Andrew's efforts LITERALLY allowed me to be alert and effective at work the following day, and Liquid ASS saved the enjoyment of our property for us. Thanks guys.
— Aule from Azeroth
I squirted the whole bottle at once with a 30 ft stream down the hallway and it smelled like someone died!!! No words explain how bad it is. It cleared out the whole building. I mean the WHOLE BUILDING and the smell went around the block!!! It still smells so bad now that it is baking in the summer night's heat. It is now between a dead fish smell and a dead body that took a massive shit. It has lasted 8 hrs so far and still going. The fire dept came over and went in every room and floor because they really thought someone died!!!! I can't explain the smell and the reactions, but you will be assured that I will be buying more next week!! Man, that is some stinky shit. WOW!
— ERZ, INC.
You can purchase Liquid ASS and get even for as low as $3.78 per bottle. Simply go to the Products page of our online store.
Page last updated 29June2008.
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