The means of effective revenge for a sane and moral person are few. The frustration caused by one's inability to satiate vengeful desires can destroy one's health and mental well–being. Enter: Liquid ASS. Properly applied (see our Suggested Uses page for proven methods), Liquid ASS produces an intense, long–lasting, authentic butt–crack smell that will have the wrongdoer baffled by what the hell happened. Liquid ASS will deliver a concluding amount of satisfaction accompanied by fits of laughter brought on by the futile antics of the transgressor in searching for the source. The end result is effective revenge, peace of mind, hilarity, and no harm done.
Liquid ASS is a highly concentrated liquid stink that, when properly applied, produces a repulsive, long–lasting, butt–crack smell. It can be applied silently because it streams out and it is easily concealed in the palm of your hand. It is clear, so it is hard to see. For these reasons, if you are careful, you can prank again as often as you like. Soon you will find laughter replacing your bitterness, putting you on the road to peace of mind and good health.
You can purchase Liquid ASS for as low as $3.78 per bottle. Simply go to the Products page of our online store.
Using the streaming tip version of Liquid ASS, squirt liberally with a sweeping motion over a large surface area.
On most carpeted floors, Liquid ASS is not visible and the smell lasts longer. On tile floors, squirt in the corners to minimize light reflection. (See illustrations below). A good rule of thumb is to apply Liquid ASS around the perimeter of the target area or approximately that same amount spread over the middle area.
Several significant variables will affect the performance of your Liquid ASS operation. Results will vary due to ventilation, room size, and amount applied. In general (95% of the time), when used indoors with medium ventilation, a third of a bottle will generate dry–heave–quality stench from one to three hours.
The guidelines given above combine simplicity, effectiveness, and entertainment value.
WMMR's Preston and Steve (Philadelphia) discuss an email they received
from a listener who briefly describes the results of her Liquid ASS revenge prank 
on her brother–in–law and sister–in–law
(471 KB, MP3). Their conversation is transcibed below.
Preston: . . . anyway, she continues to say, "P.S. I have to tell you that I also got the Liquid ASS and used it on my brother– and sister–in–law as payback and I have to tell you it was the best revenge ever. They still can't get that smell out of the car and they have no clue where it came from." [signed] Loyal Listener T ("I can't say my name or everyone will know what I did and who I'm listening to in the mornings. Gadzooks.") So, thank you, T, we do appreciate that.
Steve: That should be a military weapon, that Liquid ASS.
Preston: LiquidASS.com if you want to get your hands on some.
As soon as I received this stuff I was giddy, almost too giddy. So the first place I wanted to try it out? — my girlfriend's house, since her parents have dealt an enormous amount of hell for her the past year for living at home for free, I thought it would be a perfect place to unleash my Liquid Ass fury. I didn't put that much on — I sprayed just like you guys said — in a sweeping motion.
Man, that house smelled like ASS! It was the funniest thing i've ever experienced in my entire life.
Her mom was asking everyone to check their shoes, and was getting into a
fight with her dad saying he must have drug in dog shit. I swear, not
laughing was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Your product is the greatest thing ever created.
– Ken Donaberger
Time to settle the score. Turn the tables with Liquid ASS.
To read more about using Liquid ASS for pranks and practical jokes, go to our Suggested Uses page.
Regardless of the intensity of your vengeful feelings, a Liquid ASS revenge prank will have you laughing, dispelling those ill–feelings and leaving you in a much improved state of mind.
To purchase Liquid ASS, click here to go to the products page our online store.
Many of us have experienced it. We all fear it (especially if you live in an apartment). Having a neighbor who is constantly playing his stereo at the highest volume possible usually combined with raucous, all–night parties.
Charles in Australia was having many sleepless nights due to his obnoxious neighbor's extremely loud stereo and late–night shindigs. Eventually, he was able to get his neighbors to turn the stereo off and end the nocturnal carousings. What method did he find that worked?
• Asking them politely to keep it down? — No
• Calling the police? — No
• Trying to overpower them with his own amped–up stereo? — No
Click here to go to the web site that Charles created in honor of Liquid ASS.
Below are some excerpts from Charles' prankings:
• No need to get upset now that we have the EQUALIZER. I just put my jacket on over my pajamas, put shoes on and go and spray a few squirts around their front door and rubbish bin. Then I go into the back garden and spray around their sewer pipe.
• Then we heard, "What's that smell?" and, "Smells like shit, man" and, "Where is it coming from?", all in Indian accents. Suddenly it went quiet. THEY TURNED OFF THE STEREO! This was like a miracle because they wouldn't do it for us, or the police!
• Quite clearly we could hear assorted comments, including, "Oh, that's wrong, man. That's too much" and so on.
• AGAIN they woke us up so AGAIN we sprayed and AGAIN the plumber arrives.
• To help them understand OUR point of view (and the LAW which states folks are entitled to the quiet enjoyment of their premises, etc.), I AGAIN I sprayed front and back. THIS time the heavy guns arrived, as you can see!
To order some Liquid ASS, click here to go to the products page our online store.
Listen to an email about a Liquid ASS college revenge prank
received by Preston and Steve of WMMR, Philadelphia (624 KB, MP3) or read the email transcibed below.
Hey Preston,
Being an avid pod-caster of the show, I came to discover Liquid Ass. Because the girls who live in the room next to me only manage to annoy me to no end, my roommate and I decided to get our revenge. About ten minutes ago, we filled an art supply syringe with some Liquid Ass and squirted it under the door of Room 302, a.k.a, the "lair of obnoxious bitches". I'll be honest, I didn't believe you when you said this stuff was the foulest smelling liquid ever — oh, was I wrong. After half of the bottle of Liquid ASS permeated throughout the entire hallway, it began to seep under our door and infect our room with the smell of feet and poo. We literally had to turn on every fan in the room and duct tape the gap at the bottom of the door to prevent ourselves from gagging.
Granted, it is almost 4 am, so these girls are asleep. Well, the smell is so bad, they woke up and are now in the hallway questioning what on earth the horrible smell is, coughing and occasionally gagging. So, it's confirmed, Liquid ASS is the ultimate college revenge weapon.
I just wanted to thank you guys for turning me on to this amazing product. Thank you for being so awesome.
- Sydney
If you like Stink Bombs and Fart Spray, just wait until you try Liquid ASS!
Page last updated 28April2008.
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