Stink Bombs and Fart Spray Pranks Just Got Better
For many years, Stink Bombs and Fart Spray have been the only stink prank products on the market. Now there is Liquid ASS. What follows is a point by point comparison of Fart Spray, Stink Bombs, and Liquid ASS. But first we need to break down the attributes of a perfect prank.
What is a perfect prank?
It should have the following characteristics:
Effectiveness of Fart Spray, Stink Bombs, and Liquid ASS
• Fart Spray is effective with a sulfur chemical smell.
• Stink Bombs are effective with a sulfur chemical smell.
• Liquid ASS is effective having an authentic butt-crack/poo smell.
Customer Quote: The Smell of Liquid ASS
Liquid Ass is the most authentic smelling ass product I have found. It combines both a bona fide turd smell with the gaseous effects of a noxious fart bomb.
— Jen from Colorado
Two DJs Discuss the Smell of Liquid ASS
Listen to a short excerpt of WMMR's Preston and Steve (Philadelphia) commenting on the smell of Liquid ASS (MP3, 410 KB) which is transcribed below.
Steve: [Liquid ASS] has substantially, accurately replicated a sweaty, rancid swamp-ass smell.
Preston: You know, I've smelled those chemical stink bombs before.
Steve: Yeah, they're not accurate.
Preston: They smell like, like you said, sulfur. They have kind of that egg smell. But this . . .
Steve: Not this.
Preston: . . . this literally smells like it came out of somebody's ass.
Customer Testimonial: The Smell of Liquid ASS
I was blown away by Liquid Ass. I could smell it through the bottle, but I had no clue of the wrath that would soon be unleashed. I knew it was going to be bad. Bad soon turned to horrible, which led to devastating. To me, it smells like a turd in a frat–house toilet that didn't get flushed and got peed on later, and still didn't get flushed. Instead it just fermented and matured until someone couldn't take it and sent it down the drain.
— Secret Agent Toastman
Stealthiness of Fart Spray, Stink Bombs, and Liquid ASS
• Fart Spray is not stealthy. Although it leaves no traces, Fart Spray makes the sound of an aerosol can during application and is more difficult to apply without being seen.
• Stink Bombs are not stealthy. Stink Bombs are packaged in glass vials which must be broken. Although Stink Bombs can be dropped in place quickly and somewhat quietly, the broken glass remains behind as evidence.
• Liquid ASS is stealthy. It streams out silently in a clear liquid. Properly applied (see our Suggested Uses page for proven methods) it is virtually invisible and no traces remain after 15-20 minutes since it evaporates.
Customer Testimonial: How Stealthy is Liquid ASS?
I just wanted to say that getting back at a fellow coworker has never been so much DAMN FUN! I purchased the 4–Pack thinking that I would need the extra ass power!!! Boy, was I wrong . . . 1 bottle is all that I needed. You have to time these things out when there are others around. When the time was right I got him good! I sprayed him for a good 3 seconds . . . ON HIS ASS! and I calmly walked away . . .
HOLY COW! The smell had been so foul for him that he had to pull his shirt collar to his nose as a breathing mask. And he had four of his friends come over to see if they could find the location of the smell and they sprayed 2 full cans of air freshener to kill the smell. The look on his stupid ass face was well worth the money I had spent for this product. Let him talk shit again and I'll pull my stash of Liquid Ass out so quick he'll think he had a 20–pound Tijuana bean burrito stuffed up his ass!
Thank you, LIQUID ASS!!!
Longevity of Fart Spray, Stink Bombs, and Liquid ASS
• Fart Spray does not last long at all. Since Fart Spray is applied in vapor form, it soon dissipates.
• Stink Bombs are relatively long-lasting. Since Stink Bombs are in liquid form, several Stinks Bombs should last long enough to get the job done depending on room-size and ventilation.
• Liquid ASS, in general, will last for 1-3 hours depending on room-size, ventilation, and the amount applied.
Customer Testimonial: How Long Does Liquid ASS Last?
You guys are the shit (and I mean that literally)!!!! Yesterday I polluted a co–worker's vehicle early in the morning and it stank ALL DAY. This little prick I work with is one of those practical jokers who doesn't know when to quit, so I decided to cure him slowly. Since this guy has never smelled Liquid Ass before, this is the perfect payback! I figure I will dribble a few drops in his company truck once or twice a week until the smell becomes part of the truck. I was going to use "Tink's 69 Doe in Estrus" deer attractant but it just smells like animal piss. Your stuff smells like someone/something took a big dump in the back of the truck and that will drive him nuts wondering who shat in the truck.
Thank you very much from me and the guys who work with this little turd we are paying back!!!
— Funky Fone–Man
Observability of Fart Spray, Stink Bombs, and Liquid ASS
• Fart Spray reactions are observable if you were able to spray the Fart Spray without being heard.
• Stink Bombs are observable if you are comfortable that the broken glass from the Stink Bomb vials won't be discovered.
• Liquid ASS reactions are observable. You can apply it silently and discreetly and hang around to watch the reactions. The question is — can you contain your laughter?
Customer Testimonial: Applying Liquid ASS and Watching the Reactions
As soon as I received this stuff I was giddy, almost too giddy. So the first place I wanted to try it out? — my girlfriend's house, since her parents have dealt an enormous amount of hell for her the past year for living at home for free, I thought it would be a perfect place to unleash my Liquid Ass fury. I didn't put that much on — I sprayed just like you guys said — in a sweeping motion.
Man, that house smelled like ASS! It was the funniest thing i've ever experienced in my entire life. Her mom was asking everyone to check their shoes, and was getting into a fight with her dad saying he must have drug in dog shit. I swear, not laughing was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Your product is the greatest thing ever created.
— Ken D.
Liquid ASS Mission #1: "What's for Breakfast?"
The Assmen hit the breakfast cereal aisle of a local store. Assman #2 was wired up with our new hidden camera. These two ladies were kind enough to share with us their inner thoughts of Liquid ASS (WMV, 3.1 MB).
In their own words:
- "It's so rank!"
- "It's spoiled...blaauuk!"
- "I could throw up!"
Repeatability of Fart Spray, Stink Bombs, and Liquid ASS
• Fart Spray pranks are repeatable. But, as noted above, Fart Spray is not very stealthy, so your chances of being caught increase.
• Stink Bombs pranks are repeatable. But because of the broken glass, Stink Bombs are not very stealthy, so your chances of being caught increase.
• Liquid ASS pranks are repeatable. Since it is stealthy, you won't get caught. Since Liquid ASS is a smell that causes people to suspect sewer gas, dog poop, dead animal, etc., the idea that it might be a prank never crosses their mind.
How to Pull an Over–the–Top Stink Prank
Using the streaming tip version of Liquid ASS, squirt liberally with a sweeping motion over a large surface area.
On most carpeted floors, Liquid ASS is not visible and the smell lasts longer. On tile floors, squirt in the corners to minimize light reflection. (See illustrations below). A good rule of thumb is to apply Liquid ASS around the perimeter of the target area or approximately that same amount spread over the middle area.
Several significant variables will affect the performance of your Liquid ASS operation. Results will vary due to ventilation, room size, and amount applied. In general (95% of the time), when used indoors with medium ventilation, a third of a bottle will generate dry–heave–quality stench from one to three hours.
The guidelines given above combine simplicity, effectiveness, and entertainment value.
Customer Testimonial: Repeated Applications of Liquid ASS at a College in Ireland
(This is a long read but well worth the time)
Your product is the best stink novelty product on the planet!!! The very minute I got it in the post, I opened the box and got a whiff off the bottle. It smelt like ass! I'm having such great fun with this product. I never laughed so hard in my life. I was assing the college I go to of an average once a day! The janitor in the college is a first prize ass hole and also a lazy f***er that sits on his ass and gets paid good money for it. That was all about to change when I got hold of Liquid Ass! I assed the the men's toilet cubicles and down along the corridor; also squirted a couple of jets of ass on the heater in the corridor. The smell of this stuff is so potent. I wasn't expecting it to be that bad. It was every bit as bad as they said it was on the assman sight. In my words, it smells like shit at it strongest ever! When used right in the right places, the shit–laden stench lasts for hours!
Every day I was laughing my ass off in college, witnessing the people complain about the stench especially the girls. Some overheard words from guys and girls:
"Oooooofffff, yoooofffff, the smell of shit!"
"What's that rotten smell!"
"What is going on here!"
"Oooooooh, f***, the smell!"
"That's dog shat!"
"The shitter blew up!"
One guy said in the toilet cubical, "It is like being in a brick shit house in 40 degrees Celsius desert heat!"
It was causing a big scene in the corridor and in the toilets. The corridor smelt like ass!
The girls were putting pressure on the janitor to sort the problem. I never seen that asshole work so hard in my life with tonnes of different disinfectants for the toilets! He was on his hands and knees scrubbing like never before! Out in the yard he was lifting up the man hole covers. He was climbing up the rafters in the ceiling in the building to see was there anything dead!
His head was done in by all this. He has went thru the process of elimination and to his utter frustration, he couldn't find the source. The look on his stupid face every day - I found it almost impossible to hold in the laughter. I just had to go off and hide some where on my own and burst my sides laughing! That disgusting smell of diarrhea in the college corridor and toilets was just a formality for the students and the stupid janitor. He had his work cut out for him every day listening to people complaining about the smell of shit. I just could not keep the grin off my face! I stopped assing the place when the fumigators were eventually called! The janitor looked like some dumb ass explaining to the fumigators about the raw sewage smell in the men's toilets and the corridor when the fumigators found no source in the building (ha ha!). The fumigators said to janitor, "We went thru the whole building and checked the manholes and toilet plumbing system and we found nothing that can cause the smell you are on about." One of them said to him, "Are you sure it is no one pissed taking with stink bombs or anything like that?" "Oh, no, no, no. This smells like a pungent shit smell like you would smell in a brick shit house. I mean this is awful worse than dog shit. It stinks up the whole place and it has being a constant thing all week." he said. "I'm getting f***ing sick of this. This is getting f***ing ridiculous. I don't know what I'm going to do about it if it keeps up." he said in a very angry and pissed off tone! "If the smell comes back give us a shout." the men said. "We may have to take up the floors in the toilets and corridor if it continues." The college staff had to fork out 400 euro for the fumigator call out. From a smiley face cocky smart ass hole of a janitor, he was reduced to an angry and very frustrated stressed out man. All I could do by hearing and witnessing the mass hysteria was laugh my head off. Ha.
I was bordering on the bit-2-much side on the college, so I will give it a break for a while.
Just thinking to myself, if that stuff gets into the wrong hands, it can cause a lot of damage. Ha.
I have endless more prank and revenge attacks on my list. There is a never ending amount of people and places to ass. It never stops!
I pulled a harmless prank on my mate by putting some ass in his motorbike helmet. I nearly pissed myself on the bike when I watched in my mirror as he pulled over by the road side. I just had to stop the bike and watch while laughing my head off. He ripped the helmet off his head he shouted, "There is a smell of shit in my helmet and there is no shit in it!" He franticly rubbed his hands thru his hair while looking at himself in the mirror on the bike.
After the long 2 hours driving home on the bikes, I told him about the Liquid Ass product. He said, "Ah, D, ya cunt." He was a little annoyed, but at the same time he laughed off the joke as he is one of them easy-going guys that can take a joke. He was amazed with the product. He thought it was the best thing ever! I asked him what was the 2 hour drive like with that helmet on. He said, "It was like having my head shoved up someone's hole for 2 hours. That's the best way I can explain it. I felt like pulling over several times to get sick. I did not know what the f*** was going on!"
I think this is the best stink prank novelty product ever because:
• The bottle is small and handy.
• It is invisible and silent - no noise.
• It smells like pure shit at its most potent.
• Even a small bit of this stuff can go a long way.
• It is impossible to find the source because it is invisible - no mess.
• It smells like a proper realistic smell of shit, not like them distinctive rotten egg sulfur stink bombs and fart gasses that nearly everyone knows about and can leave evidence behind. When you use Liquid Ass, no one suspects that anyone has let off a stink bomb because it smells like real proper shit and no one can really prove that someone is joking around.
• The the shit-laden stench can last for hours if used right! A whole 24 hours in some cases!
• Works like a dream in offices. Ha ha!
I really appreciate your product. I am a very happy customer and I will be buying more stashes of Ass off you in the near future for fun, laughter and enjoyment. Keep up the good work.
An up-market restaurant in Dublin is my next target. The owners are so rude and such snobs that they need to be assed badly. I will give it to them with a vengeance! I will email you to let you know how it goes.
Thanks assman one and two.
— Devious D in Ireland
Final Note: Stink Bomb Safety Considerations
The primary ingredient of Stink Bombs is ammonium sulfide. According to Material Safety Data Sheet for ammonium sulfide, it "may be fatal if inhaled or swallowed." When the Stink Bomb glass vials are broken, the ammonium sulfide reacts with the water in the air to form hydrogen sulfide (which is the cause of the resulting sulfur stink smell). According to Material Safety Data Sheet for hydrogen sulfide, it is "Highly toxic — may be fatal if inhaled. Inhalation of a single breath at a concentration of 1000 ppm may cause coma. Corrosive when moist. Skin contact may cause burns."
You can purchase Liquid ASS for as low as $5.31 per bottle. Simply go to the Products page of our online store.
Do you have any questions or comments for the Assmen?
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Page last updated 28July2014.